All of the following I have actually observed, online or in person

"How many people here still use email?"
Graduate School Orientation, 2009


"Holy cows are happy cows."

"'Uncle Joe' Stalin"

"We don't call them slaves anymore, we call them third world countries."
~Professor Walker

"Do I get a bonus for the Polar bear?"

"Women are cheap, tripods are trickier."
~Professor Walker

"(Melanie) "Who wants a used wife?"
"Don't think of them as used. Think of them as experienced."
~Professor Walker

"Jesus ate Guinea Pig."
~Professor Mumford

"Josh, why are you reading a book about the Peloponnesian War? Don't you already know everything about it?"

"Every six seconds spent spotting is another six seconds not killing the beholder."

"Fuck you, Serbia!"


"Go to sleep, dork."

"I'm commander and chief of the itty bitty titty committee."

"You can't agree with the apocalypse!"

"I am a big strong man and will help you if I want....Ignore the fact that I am hitting you with a tiger and don't have testicles. Neither of these things are important."

"an unprovoked 'hey, i'm thinking about you' is sometimes one of the best feelings in the world!"

"Darling, keep up the self-image issues and I might have to make you an honorary girl."

"Murder's fine with me, but I expect you to get away with it."

"Can you feature it?"

"If you touch my car, I will break your face."

"This is why in emails we need smileys."

"Boobs are awesome!"

"'Caesar' is a career that would have appealed to Lyndon."
~Professor Bullion

"The natural environment of cookies is my stomach."

" my imaginary dick is like porn star huge."

"Soul crushing Brandeis light."

"I am the King of Boston, ho!"
~Drunk Girl on Bus

"Just be patient and nice; there is too much sadness in the world."
~Melissa, from speed dating, 2009

"Pretty good...19."
"Plus something, I hope."
~Jason and Xander

Naomi: I do have standards.
Me: You do? (he asked skeptically)
Naomi: Well, I did date you I suppose.
Me: My point exactly.
Naomi: *grin*

Me: Do you know how much I had hoped to get done today?
Amanda: I'm sure it was insanely too much.

Me: *puts ego back in box*
Naomi: lol
Naomi: Good boy.

Aimee: No, you would never name something Napoleon. You would name it Bonaparte, probably, Buonaparte, and call in Buono for short.
Aimee: And it would HAVE to be a small dog.
Aimee: With a size-oriented complex.
Me: Except it would end up crossing some big dog named Wellington and get mauled
Me: And then sit on an island until it died.
Me: See? As much as it would be a great name, this is why i would never name after him.
Me: It is poor luck.
Aimee: But history rarely repeats itself exactly, especially cross-species history.
Me: I don't like to fuck with Fortuna. The opportunity for hilarity and heartbreak is just too high.
Aimee: True dat.

Joe: Heyy.

"phear me catlord!"

"It has something to do with bondage, parmenion, a goat and rascus."

"GoD has gotten himself in a war against LFKD."

"GF?? we dont have such things in Pks"

"I don't do small talk unless you have large breasts."

"Anyone who's reason for editing is 'I had pee' is not qualified to have an opinion."

"anyway am confident i can out gay you novices."

"In game insults are allowable. We are insulting your ingame abilities. We aren't insulting your mother, your sister, or your personal lack of hygiene, we are attacking your ability as a player."
~Ender Wiggin

"PKs declare war on the:
Reason: We don't like you."

"~Taps Parm on the shoulder and whispers in his ear~ Dude, this one's from HELLAS. You've got your wars confused again!"

Discursus:I came from that rubbish game called TRAVIAN.
SSDF: means you should quit TW cause your never gonna learn.
Koboldninja: So did Mattius, so you must be trash.

Poke: I will personally kill each and every member if we leave the top 10.
There's your incentive guys. Life.